If you are reading this, chances are you have already been matched with intended parents, or you are getting close. Maybe you have been thinking about surrogacy for months or even years, and now the reality of building a relationship with someone you have just met feels both exciting and a little uncertain.
That is completely normal.
The relationship you build with your intended parents is the emotional backbone of your entire surrogacy journey. For many gestational surrogates, it becomes one of the most meaningful connections of their lives, something that lasts well beyond delivery day. And with the right agency supporting you, it is not something you have to figure out alone.
This post covers what that relationship actually looks like, from your first conversation through to life after birth, and what you can do to make it a great one.
It Starts with the Right Match
The foundation of a strong relationship begins during the surrogate matching process. Your surrogacy agency works to pair you with intended parents who share compatible values, communication preferences, and expectations for the journey ahead.
Your first meeting, whether it is a video call or an in-person conversation, can feel a lot like a first date. It is completely normal to be nervous. At ABC Surrogacy, we encourage pre-match meetings so both sides can connect naturally before making a commitment. The best advice? Be yourself. Share what led you to explore surrogacy, ask about their story, and trust your instincts.
A good match should feel like a genuine connection, not a job interview.
During this early stage, it is important to discuss what kind of relationship you both want. ABC will ask you questions prior to matching about the relationship you are hoping for with your intended parents. This will help you understand what to expect during the match call and throughout the journey. Some surrogates and intended parents develop close friendships, while others prefer a warm but more structured dynamic. Neither is wrong. What matters is that you are aligned from the start.
Communication That Keeps You Connected
Once you are matched, communication becomes the glue that holds the relationship together. In the beginning of the match, prior to embryo transfer and confirmed pregnancy, the relationship might be more casual, and once there is a. confirmed pregnancy, most surrogates and intended parents find that checking in about once a week works well during the early stages of the surrogacy process, with contact naturally increasing as the due date approaches.
Text messaging tends to be the easiest channel for quick updates. We find that some IPs like to set up a group chat with their GC (and her partner) and that has been an effective way to communicate. Video calls are ideal for milestone moments like ultrasound results or just catching up face to face. If your intended parents are international, apps like WhatsApp can bridge time zones without added cost.
What should you talk about? Pregnancy updates are a given, but don’t stop there. Ask about their week, their hobbies, their plans for the nursery. The more you get to know each other as real people, the stronger your bond will be. Keep in mind, that the like all relationships, they develop naturally over time.
This is not just a professional arrangement. It is a partnership built on trust.
Most surrogacy professionals also recommend keeping social media connections offline until after the journey to protect the privacy and intimacy of the experience. You may want to share that you are acting as a surrogate for someone, but never use their names or share any details about them or the baby publicly.
One of the most valuable things you can do early on is prepare a few questions to ask your intended parents about their preferences and expectations. Topics like how they would like to receive updates, whether they want to attend appointments virtually, and what their birth plan vision looks like can prevent misunderstandings later. At ABC Surrogacy, we guide all of our surrogates through the birth plan and discuss this with you and the intended parents to make sure everyone is on the same page. Guidelines are written up and sent to the delivery hospital, so that medical staff is aware of everyone’s wishes, as well.
Setting Boundaries That Protect the Relationship
Boundaries are not barriers. They are what make a relationship sustainable over the 12 to 18 months of a surrogacy journey.
Some of the strongest surrogate and intended parent relationships are built on clear, mutual expectations rather than constant contact.
Key areas to discuss early include communication timing and frequency, who will attend medical appointments, how medical decisions will be handled, and what post-birth contact will look like. Many of these details are formalized in your legal contract, giving both parties a clear reference point.
If something ever feels uncomfortable, you do not have to navigate it alone. Your dedicated case manager at ABC Surrogacy can step in as a neutral advocate, addressing concerns professionally so your relationship stays intact. As a privately and independently owned agency, we are able to provide this kind of personalized attention because our surrogates are not case numbers. They are people we genuinely care about.
Remember, you have rights as a gestational surrogate, and setting boundaries is one of the most empowering things you can do.
Embracing All Kinds of Families
One of the most rewarding parts of becoming a surrogate is the diversity of families you may help create. At ABC Surrogacy, our surrogates work with LGBTQ+ couples, single parents, and international families from around the world. Remember, you get to choose who you help – at ABC we give you the choice in the matching process.
Each match brings its own dynamic. Working with a gay couple, a single intended parent, or a family from another country may mean navigating different cultural expectations around pregnancy, communication styles, or decision-making. The key is to approach those differences with curiosity rather than assumptions. Ask thoughtful questions: How do they celebrate milestones? What does support look like in their culture? What traditions are important to them?
Many surrogates describe these cross-cultural connections as some of the most enriching experiences of their lives.
Helping someone become a parent, regardless of their background, family structure, or where they live, is what makes this journey so profoundly meaningful.
How the Relationship Evolves After Birth
It is important to know that your relationship with your intended parents will naturally shift after delivery, and that is okay. Some surrogates and intended parents stay in close contact for years, exchanging photos and celebrating milestones together. Others transition to occasional check-ins or a respectful, grateful closure.
All three paths are healthy.
What surprises many surrogates is that the emotion they feel after birth is not about missing the baby. It is about missing the relationship, the shared excitement, the daily connection, the sense of purpose. That is completely normal. Hormonal shifts after delivery can also intensify these feelings temporarily, and having a support system, including your agency, your family, and the ABC Surrogacy surrogate community, makes all the difference.
Research consistently shows that the vast majority of surrogates reflect positively on their journey and their relationships with intended parents, even years later. A study published in Human Reproduction by Oxford Academic followed surrogates for up to two decades and found that positive feelings about the experience and the relationships formed were still present long after delivery.
For many women, this is an experience that deepens their sense of self and adds a chapter to their life they would not trade for anything.
Your Journey Starts with Connection
The relationship you build with your intended parents will be unique to you. It is important to not compare your journey to anyone else’s, and to be open to how the relationship unfolds organically. It has the potential to be one of the most meaningful connections you will ever have and a valuable learning experience for you and your family. With the right match, honest communication, and the personalized support of an agency that treats you as a partner rather than a number, your surrogacy journey can be an experience that truly enhances your life.
At ABC Surrogacy, our founders bring over 30 years of combined personal and professional surrogacy experience to every interaction. They understand the depth of this journey because they have lived it themselves.
Ready to learn more about becoming a gestational surrogate with ABC Surrogacy? Apply today or call us at (323) 207-5762 to start a conversation. There is no commitment required to take the first step.