A Surrogate’s Story: Why I Became a Surrogate
By: Julie Stromwall
As a surrogate, I have been asked hundreds of times, “what made you want to become a surrogate?” The quick answer I almost always gave to passing strangers was “it was just always something I wanted to do.” Now that I’m not busy growing a human in me, let me tell you why I took the leap of faith! Bear in mind, becoming a surrogate is a very personal decision and your reasons for pursuing this amazing process may be very different from mine!
When I was pregnant with my son, I found out my best friend had struggled to get pregnant and then ultimately had a miscarriage. It was devastating to her and her husband and there I was, carrying a baby with no problem. I was overcome with guilt and hurt for my dear friends. The only knowledge I had of surrogacy prior to my first pregnancy was what I saw on a FRIENDS episode. It originally aired in 1998 but I didn’t see it until about 2001. As unrealistic as the story was, I still thought it was really neat. Surrogacy just stuck in my mind. I told my husband that I could be a surrogate for anyone, anytime… and he thought I was a little nutty. It’s just not something that anyone I know has done before. I did my own research on surrogacy while I was pregnant, and found a few forums where I lurked, lurked, lurked some more. I read everything about surrogacy and I still wasn’t scared.
We then went on to have another baby and getting pregnant with her was just as easy, if not easier, than getting pregnant with our son. I felt it was unfair. I felt I shouldn’t have been able to conceive as easily as I had. There were too many women I knew who struggled with infertility, miscarriages, trouble conceiving… I just didn’t think it was fair for us to not struggle with anything. The pregnancies were easy, labor and delivery was a breeze. It hurt my heart more and more that I eventually could be anywhere and see a woman glance at my belly with despair in her eyes. It made me miserable. I didn’t like when my friends would ask me questions about my pregnancy in front of my friend who didn’t have a baby, I hated when I would go somewhere and my belly was the only topic discussed. I became decent at changing the subject as quickly as possible. You could say I am sensitive. Overly sensitive. You don’t know anyone’s story, you don’t know why they don’t have a baby… don’t ask. If they want to tell you, they will. I just couldn’t handle the pain I felt FOR my friend. (Side note: she and her husband were able to adopt a beautiful newborn girl not long after my daughter was born!)
When our daughter was a year old, I told my husband I was ready to become a surrogate! After hearing me talk about surrogacy for 4 years, he was fully supportive! He knew how much it meant to me and honestly after experiencing the blessing of children, he was all in to help give that to someone else. We had support from both our families, and I did not hesitate for a second with my decision. I knew the risks, what it involved, the commitment and what it actually meant to give birth to someone else’s baby! I was ready. Finding the right agency for me was tough, I was very particular in what I wanted. I researched for months on end and finally came across what I believe to be the best agency! I am so thankful I found Abundant Beginnings ™ and I am thankful for the support I received before, during and after surrogacy!
My desire to be a surrogate came from an overwhelming emotional connection to women who struggle with infertility. Just as important as that, there are plenty of families that need surrogates including women who have had a hysterectomy, single moms, single dads, gay or lesbian couples…. it doesn’t matter. Everyone should be able to experience the joy of having a child of their own.